Thursday, April 10, 2008

Confession of a hungry man..

Hmm the finally replaced the light bulb in my animal room. Also I found new neighbors of my mice. An albino Guinea Pig (its not a pig, its a rodent okay).

They are very shy (or scared). This is the first time I saw a guinea pig up close. They make such cute noises too. I will be using the guinea pigs as a model for congenital toxoplasmosis. Meaning I will infect the female Guinea Pigs, let it get pregnant, and when it gives birth, I will take the babies, put it to sleep, take the brain out, make a slide impression, homogenized the brain, and then inject in balb/c mice to see if the babies, whose mother have been vaccinated, still has Toxoplasmosis or not.

It was raining quite heavily in the afternoon and I was bored with the same cold food at the canteen, so I decided to drive all the way to The Mines to have my lunch. There is so many variety in the food court, so many tasty, delicious food, but some.. ok I am lying.. many many people have been saying I should be on a diet. FINE!!! diet it is... I wanted to have Eddies Wok Black pepper beef, but it has rice a lot of it, and oily, spicy black pepper beef (sedapnya....) but its not healthy, so Claypot Noodle is one of the best choice since the soup is clear, Yee Mee is a better choice and there is a lot of veggies in it. I used to love it, but now since its like a default choice now if I do go to a food court, it just does not feel special anymore.

It nice, but even with a lot of cili potong, it just feels unexciting. Face it, majority of diet food are very boring.. steamed, boiled, clear, green... Sigh....

I like to sit out here now, I just like to see the traffic going by here. It allowed me to think, food is something comforting, a person you love is something comforting, but if both is not available at all time, it sucks. Yes I want a]my piece of cake and eat it too (ermmm cake.. carrot cake.....) but I guess you can't have both right. I know its the wise choice, the healthier choice, the choice to live longer, but I have been "big" as long as I can remember. I do not have a former kurus or normal body like some people have, I have just been big as long as I can remember. I do not have pictures of me being normal weight, I am just big. Just when I started to feel comfortable about my self, now I am just self conscious again. Looking at the mirror longer than usual, taking a lot of time thinking what to eat, feeling guilty when feeling full and running (ok i lied, walking) on the treadmill angrily. This sucks, I feel like snapping at people from left to right today. Thank god almost no one was at the lab today and I am not going out tonight, even though I want to so badly. Its probably better to not go out because I can not be my bubbly self tonight. I am the bitchy, PMS like bull tonight. I think I better just sleep now. At least dreams is something I can control and erase at will (its a skill I honed for many years, I can stop, pause, fast forward or just wake up from a dream).

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