Sunday, June 29, 2008

Runaway

I was so stressed out last Friday, I packed up my files, ripped down my BMW poster and just left the lab before 12 pm. I was working really hard on my extraction and was about to get it right, when my advisor called me up and say if I cannot get it after the third time doing it, might as well not do it at all. I felt like throwing up, my bowels getting loose and light headed at the same time. All that hard work down the drain. This is just the extraction and I am not even close making a recombinant protein. I don’t know how to say this with using foul, offensive, degrading immoral language to my advisor, because I know other people read this and it might affect my future.My advisors is like one the few lecturer/teachers that seem to leave an “impression”, a very very deep “impression”, more like a boot print to my soul. During my diploma years we had the most fiercest BEL (English) lecturer in UiTM. She was well known for her loud voice coming from such a small frame, and her death threats. I am not kidding she will kill you and she makes you pay. Even if you are not in her class, you would find out from others how urmm unique she is. My bachelor degree was not exempted from this type of people. She was a Dr from India teaching Clinical Microbiology and other subjects. Her class was like the worst place to be in, you have to sit up straight, you must have everything on your desk and you can never reach your bag for stuff. Even if you handphone beeb because of your battery is dead she will kick you out. Everybody would like sit way in the back because many were afraid of her, and her class is so quiet you probably can hear a pin drop. As I move on to my post graduate study, as fate would have it, my Advisor is belongs to this group. How shall I say it hmm urm yes I am breaking down with him, seriously I am falling apart. He expects so much from me, at first I could take it, but right now I am like returning to my former diploma self, instead of saying “I am not sure” its more like “ I don’t know”. There is a different between those two sayings because the first one in uncertainty but at least it shows you might go out and find out what it means. The latter is like giving up and just riding on whatever is moving. I think I am going back to that dark seedy, lowly life again. I went to the lab and my lab technician said that my advisor was looking for me after Friday prayers. I was like in my bed, trying to stay calm when he called. I am not sure what he means by that he told my lab techie that I went home already.. This paranoid mind is starting to wonder, does he mean I am a lazy bastard who goes home early each day, or I just did not care anymore.. I felt like the latter, I have no idea what will happen on Monday, will I be let go, will I get scolded or will I get sent to someone else, or will I go really crazy that I will go to Hospital Kajang so the doctors can check if I have gotten off the deep end or not. I felt like going off the deep end..

Post grad life..real life…… my life
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