Tuesday, June 17, 2008

In this life

My allergies are back and I have a headache, the whole lab is filled the paint vapour for making the ovitrap for my labmates project. I thought that would be a problem.. till...

I accidentally back up against the gate after I was rushing to meet a friend. Like my brother, we both were rushing and backed up against the gate.. The gate is now bent and wont properly closed, price to repair it. Most likely in the 4 figure range which probably increased because of the recent petrol hike.

I am not okay, I promised.. like the My chemical romance song. I am seriously not okay...I been trying to put a cheery front, a smiley face, a positive outlook of life, but this gate bending thing has been a catalyst to bring up old memories...It sounds so materialistic but this is what happened if my dad is around. Whenever something is wrong or broken he will tend to be in this tantrum, he will get ticked off at the slightest issue. I have no problem if it was just me to take the blame, however with my dad's rage, you people who are reading my blog and never met my dad would probably get a feel of his rage. Sadly I have this kind of rage too, and blow things out of proportion..Does this gate represent something.... maybe I was just suppressing and tossing all the issues that have been bothering me to the side.....Relationship that did not turn out the way I wanted it to be, weight fluctuation, my skin getting worse, my research going stagnant, and feeling trap, trap in my own house and my own life..

I want to run but I don't know where to go, I don't want to run away from my problems but I want a different perspective to it..There is just so many side of me that I could not never reveal to people...I am so tired....I need time for myself now.. to think over.. to become new..I need to cry, I need to scream, I need to sweat it out...I need myself back...

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