About A car

I am happy with my daily transportation methods. I ride my moped to the komuter train station after 7 in the morning, catch a train, usually the 6 car coach, to KL Sentral and then take the LRT to KLCC. I repeat again in the evening after I finish work.

As you should know, taking the public transportation is very cost effective. I calculate that my petrol bill would be the same as my transportation bill now, and I haven't calculated in toll, parking or wear and tear.

However some days, when I work late or decide to go home late, I wish that I had car and that I don't have to worry about not being able to catch the last komuter train home to Kajang which is at 10.30pm. Yes sometimes I feel that I must work that late because my mood for any sort of paperwork comes very late at night. Which is why my master took forever to finish...

I want to buy back my old car from my family. I really loved that car, sure it has problems of its own, but its about 90% perfect for my style of driving and my usage. Some say I should just get a new car, but I don't know if I want to spend all of my money on a car. I like having my savings grow and grow, I like to have impromptu dinners, and I like to have some money for breakdowns on certain days.


I do have the old car, but the aircond is busted, and since its an old car, if it runs without aircond, its gets really hot, you can feel the heat from the engine seeping into the car. I joke with people, if the aircond is busted, you will feel the car you own is much older than it is.

A car is not that expensive, after all you can get a new car for 28k... but it is quite basic, but it is personal transportation with cool aircond...

Ah well, time will come perhaps..

too long didn't read

this is a blog meet with android using the microphone feature. bush was great everything that is written on here is gibberish. position as you can see nothing makes sense because the voice recognition softwares truly not
working that well. best siri for iphone 4 s looks better in the financing laws. well I'm just too lazy to type normally keep leveling normal person. so I decided to publish this love using this voice recognition software. do you have a standard to british.

some confusing shit this is it

Of a Car

Buying my own car is a dream that I have every since I was a little boy. All kinds of model comes to mind, from the cheap to "celaka, mahal sial". Since I have no idea how much they cost of how much I would make per month, it was all a fantasy.

Now I finally gotten a job and I about to start my career, reality just sunk in. I can't really buy the car I want.

In truth, I am capable of getting the model I want, even with my modest starter salary, however maturity and experience has told me, a car is more than just the monthly payment. There is petrol, insurance and service. Don't  forget about Tol and parking rates. Suddenly owning a car starts to be a bleak and sad thing to think about.

For many people, its just something for you to drive from A to B, but I am car lover, although mechanically challenged, but I do understand most of the technology in it. So I want those gadgets and equipment in my car.

According to financial planners (FUCK YOU), a car is a depreciating asset, so you must spend as little as you can for it. That means either paying it by cash, have a h/p of maximum 4 years or use only 13% of your salary to pay for it monthly

Da FUCK with that shit, that means its either you drive a black bumper Viva or a 15 year old car. In a market where cars are really expensive those fucked up advice are just not well thought for the local market nor are they thinking about salary of those just starting to work.

Not everybody is qualified or even picked in an oil&gas company or other types of profession whose pay starts at more than 3k..

Fuck them...

There are some that chooses to buy a house, I am just mildly annoyed with these people but its manageable but if they said they want a home on the ground and not an apartment when they live in the city and have the nerve to complain the high price, well you are just fucked up as the fucked up financial planner. I will run you both down in my 20 years old car...

A Dramatic Exit

hmm this is an old post, i dont even remember writing this shit. I forgot to publish it. LOL.. so read it if you like my rants



I wonder what does everybody else do when they want to go out of the house in a car. I mean its supposed to be just getting car keys and saying goodbye to someone important or authoritative right?

When I have the need to go out, there are certain steps that I need to follow for a successful exit from the house in a getaway car.

First, I need to check the vehicles. I need to know which car is available for me to use. My car, the old Mercedes is parked inside with up to 3 cars blocking it. So I need to ask around whether the owners of the 3 respective vehicles, whether I could use their cars instead of having to drive all 3 cars out just to get my car. If the owners are not available I need to call or sms them. After that, I need to find whether the keys are indeed in the key drawers before I am able to drive their cars. Secondly I have to check whether the particular vehicle has sufficient fuel, road tax and air pressure. Then I have to check whether their are clothes on the gate during the day or check whether the trash door is blocking the gate or not. Also not forgetting, if I am driving the left hand Mercedes, whether there is sufficient cash in the TnG card and whether the Smartag is working or if there is extra Smartag in the car. Also I need to check the backseat or boot whether there are stuff any other household members have left in the vehicle. After I have checked everything, then I am able to go out.

However other problems can occur such as a sudden call back from home ranging from buying them something or to rearrange the cars so that they could go in. Also if I am driving the Mercedes there is a chance when something might go wrong, so I need to be prepared for that.


If there is any problem, I usually deal it myself, since no one in the house knows what to do, or what happened to it. If I do demand for them to do something, all I get is blank stares or start a pointless argument with something such as "Is it really that important to go out"

Actually, the easiest way to go out is actually by riding my motorcycle. Worst comes to worst is that I might get a flat tire or someone locked the rear gate, both problems is easily dealt by myself.

A dramatic exit? Of course, these are the stuff reality TV are made off..

Listen... to the song in my heart..

Yeah, the title is the first lyric in a song called Listen, by Beyonce. I think her version is scratchy but I love the American X Factor contestant that sang it.

Anyhow, we all love to talk. I love to talk, its like the thing I do best. I like to share information and tell my experiences to people. Its the best thing in the world to have someone who appreciates what you tell them.

Listening is a good thing to do. Heck, if there were no listeners, how would talkers exist? Might as well go live in cave or talk to a wall and hear your echo coming back to you.

My volunteer work at Petrosains, has honed my talking skills to the max. I know what to say, how to say it and when to say it. They even thought me a talking skill that everyone should do, which is asking questions. No point for us rambling on and on if they don't understand what we are talking about. So we asked them a series of question to test out their knowledge, their mood, their background or if they really want to listen to you in the first place.

So I love it, I think it makes me a better person in general, however one drawback to it, is that I do get more emotional with people when they don't follow the same rules too. The rules that I mean, are the rules of listening. To be a great talker, you need to be have a great listening skills. These are the simple rules of listening

1. Listen. DUH!!! but actually its something that people don't do that often or even well enough. When someone wants to talk to you about something or share something to you, you need to LISTEN. That means to LISTEN, not talk back, not talk over, don't even talk at all. Its called listening, so LISTEN.
2. ASK, yes ask questions, but ask the right question. Do not in ANY circumstances, asked them why did they do it in the first place for example "why did you forget?, why didn't you tell them? why didn't you check in the first place, why why why why". Basically WHY is the WRONG question. Instead ask HOW. "How did you forget? How did they not know? How did you know that it was not there in the first place, how how how" WHY questions is intimidating, because it requires the person to give valid reasons of the path they chose and makes them feel threatened. HOW questions invites them to share on the ways that they made to choose the decisions.

Its pretty simple, yet these simple rules are the one people don't follow and it drives me crazy and blistering mad!!!

I would probably argue with them, and they would say its my fault because of my character flaws and that I don't listen to them and then I argue, that they don't listen to me, then we argue some more,, then I pick up bat/rod/knife/shotgun/cannon/laser beams and then.........

Well, I rather not be on the pages on Harian Metro. So instead a cold war begins.

My experiences facilitating at Petrosains has thought me, that when dealing with tough customers, just ignore them and let them be on their merry ways. The key point here is to let them leave my Science Show table aka Hotspot, happy regardless whether they got it right or they got it wrong.

So that is what I do to those self righteous people, ignorant, stubborn, moody, or plain bastards that come in my path. Just let them be right and agree to them They will be happy in the end and you might make a new friend or keep maitaining the old one. I know, because I belong in that nasty group, after all, it takes one to know one.

Just because I let you be right, does not mean you are right or that I agree with you. I just rather do something else, like yawn or scratch my nose.

Anyhow, that is what happens, and will probably continue to happen. WHY? opps I mean HOW?? because that is human nature to do so, and because not everyone trains in Petrosains.


*This could be a great piece for my job interviews....

You can, opps sorry you can't, coz I forgot LOL

Srsly?

Can a person change plan so fast and expect me to follow it? Like a friend said to me "If we make a promise and it involves other people, we better stick to that promise". Well I did ask them if I was free to do my own thing this Saturday, and they said yes, so I made plans and an hour later they said no, because we have something to do this Saturday and just go do it another day.

So simple, their answer is. Just spend quality time at home.

Wow, living at home ruins your communication skills. Sure you can know how to manage a home, but it only works if you plan to become a housewife. Last time I checked I don't have a vagina, and no one is sending an engagement ring to me yet, so I definitely not training to be a housewife.

I am very pissed off but at the same time, I had 5 days of training at my new working place on proper communication and I am not going down without a fight. No way in hell, that I will let her win. Sorry, but its not even a big deal, and you already have me full time for nearly 4 months, its time to let go.

My Parking Lot

Parking in my house is a source of stress for me. This is due to my father's insanity that all cars should be parked inside by sunset. Regardless of what, all cars must be inside, as long as there is still a roof over the porch, the cars must still be in. The figure above is the layout of our parking configuration so that we could fit all 6 cars inside the gate. As you can see, our cars comes in variety of sizes. Mother and Father are the biggest and longest cars, followed by the Mine. The Sister and older Sister are of similar size while the Brother is the smallest of the lot.

In order to fit in all the cars the Mine  and  Brother's car can only be park at that spot only. Mother and Father can changes spots, so does the Sister and Older Sister cars.

Stress is caused when I come home late and Sister, Older Sister and Brother cars are already inside, so I have to take out 3 cars before putting Mine in and then park back the remaining 3 cars. Stress is also caused when Older Sister comes home late, since she can't park. If she does park, somehow you can open the door or walk around the car. She completely seals the car in. However, Sister and Brother are able to put their cars in and more, so that is not a problem for me. If however any car is blocking the Older Sister car, Mother, Sister, Brother or myself has to get the blocking car out so that Older Sister could get out.

Yes, parking sucks at my house and imagine trying to park while just woken up from sleep or after a rough night. Stress..

27 turning 7

Where are you? How come your are not home last night? What are you doing? When are you coming back home? Who are you sleeping with? Where are you sleeping last night? Where did you go? What friends? Who are your friends? Where are they from? Who do they live with? What do they do for a living? Where did you meet them? How did you know them? Are they married? Do they have a girlfriend?

Yes, these are actual question my mother ask me, and question that my dad asks my mother to ask me. These are the questions that I have to answer, not when I was 7, not when I was 17, but now, at the age of 27. So tell me, would'nt you feel suffocated, especially at this age, to be ask such questions. What the fuck is wrong with my parents?

Owhh you would say, they are just parents worried about you. Fuck that advice. Its called being annoyingly excessively overbearing. Yeah, you could say I am overeacting like child, well, fuck you. If they are going to treat me like a child, I'm gonna fucking rant like one. Its stupid beyond belief.

One day they will ask, why did Budlee stop visiting us, Its because of these fucking questionaires that bugs my existence.

Mind you, I did sms my mother, of where I am going, or what I am going to do. Sometimes its better to leave out the details, because all of the question above will be asked and its fucking annoying at this age.

Did they even have something that they want me to do when they asked of my whereabouts.. Fuck no.. They want me inside the house at all time, accesible to them. FUCK THAT!!

I am here, in the same fucking state. I can comeback if they had something for me to do. I would, but being annoyingly persistance with stupid fucking questions, is fucking stupid. They do have 4 other children okay, please bother them..

Fuck you if you say this is normal, you can have them, but leave their money to me

Obsessed

Obsessed? Who me? Pretty much. About what? A lot of things, my close friends would tell you the things I am obsessed with. However, right now, I am obsessed with my skin. Damn, other than family, this has to be one of the most written post I did. I can't help it, I used to have clear skin, clear but oily, but god dammit, it was still clear. Now its like 27 going 13, I could even see the acne forming right before my eyes. I knew it was going from bad to worst since my barber could not perform his job like he usually does. He actually nick one of the pimples at my temple and it bled. When he was trimming my side burns he stayed away from the pimples at the jaw line. When he was putting some yellow cooling "toner" on my scalp, no longer he massaged my forehead, temple or eyebrows anymore, heck he did not even put any muscle when he was massaging my scalp. Noooooo!!!!!! and that was one the best thing about getting a haircut there, which the scalp massage that he does :(. So sad., again so sad. I though I have it under control when I wake up in the morning, I see my face is clearing up, and then when we reach evening, I could see new cyst, yeah cyst, like my parasites!!! not pimples but cyst!!!! forming and I do think it puss now, and not sebum, forming right before my eyes. What the hell man!!! Arrrgh. Now I look just like a few of my friends with bad acne and their face is clearing up!!. My friend told me, that it does not matter, people will still like you. I told him, I know that but right now, I am the one who has to face the mirror and see my face deteriorates, I am the one who has to feel the bumps on my skin when I wash it, I am the one felt the pain if I knocked my my temple and blood is spattered everywhere, not because of a cut but because a pimple burst. These looks like miniature boils now, boils and cyst with puss. Do I have a right to be obsessed about this? DAMN right I do.

Finally.. Like Really

Yes, I am actually going to print the thesis, submit it and hope for the best. Thesis was one of the causes of my recent acne breakout. Sigh.. its going to be a long recovery. Never in my life have I bought a big bottle of Oxy. NEVER in my life. Sigh... sigh again!!!.. Friends, life, thesis, car... all of these thing brought up the sudden acne :( So sad.. I only got acne this bad when I was 13... Sadder even more...

I been using this religiously, but I can't use it in the day for the fear of it bleaching my shirt..

Hunger

A friend, the trainer, magazines and basically almost any other diet or fitness or whatever health stuff reading material out there, constantly tells us to eat only when we are hungry. This will helps us control our weight and lead a healthier life. I have a few friends that follow this rule and out of curiosity I tried to follow it.

Nope.. it does not work, I get hungrier faster than they and get fuller much later than them. I guess my "container" is different in size than theirs. So as I sat here hungry and burping out the air that has taken space in my stomach, all of them stayed calm and normally.

Erggh.... the easy way out is to go down and get 5 packet instant noodle and some eggs for a quick meal, but no. I wanna see how long I could stand it. I might breakdown and rush down the nearest mamak or blog even more than usual.

Complain

I like to complain, I like it so much, I will complain about everything. I'll complain till you ears bleed. I complain so much, 7 eleven gave me a hamper for complaining and a direct line to their office HQ for Kajang. I am on Celcom bitchy list, since my calls are taken very fast. A computer store in The Mines gave me a certificate when I filed a complaint towards their employee.

I have few friends that I complain too. The good thing is, its mutual. They complain stuff back to me and I help them. Then, I complain about shit that happen and they help. However, there are the rare inviduals, that only  listen to my complains, but they never have anything to complain or bitch about. I am totally amazed by it.

One of those friend, claim that ignorance helps him to move and see clearer picture. Damn.. I thought ignorant, but I guess not ignorant enough of the minor details so that I can focus on the main details

College.. I got it.. 10 years of and counting....

So Drama

I am very dramatic, ask any of my close friends, online or offline. I am very dramatic, from the way I speak, handle myself and how I describe something. Its almost the end of the year, in fact, its just a few days away. What are the odds of all the drama that happened this year, all of it concentrated in just one month. One month full of things that disrupts a person life. Luckily I am still normal, well normal in a sense that I don't need drugs to function.. well at least not yet. I talked about it to my closest friends, sometimes I get the clearer picture and sometimes it gets jumbled up again. A friend told me not to think about it too much, but I can't. Too many things happened at once and all of it are just days if not weeks a part. A person can handle so much drama to themselves before their body starts to deteorate. Am I deteorating? A bit, there is suddenly stress acne coming out, losing my faith, doing incredibly stupid things or just blanking out. All of these shall end soon, hopefully with me being cheerfull and positve, or the very least alive.

*when life gives you lemons, make lemonade while you have Twitter, Facebook and blog diarrhea to permanently write what you feel,,

Laundry Day

I love doing laundry. I love looking at washing machines on display. I love watching the clothes agitated in the washer. . Front loader provide the best view with its clear glass. I could sit there for the whole washing cycle and be mesmerized.

I get excited over a new detergent powderI love how detergent and soap is made, and determined to make my own once I have the money to buy the materials. I can make my own soap according to my own preferences

I like laundry so much, I even planned on what I would wash today. Heck I even wanted to test out the new settings that I have not tried.

You could say, I got it from my mother. She loves laundry. My mother loves it so much, she decided to wash my clothes, which I specifically said to her, to not do, because I would do it. She refuses too, she just could not help her self to my dirty laundry. I told her again and again, not to do it. I think I have to resort to hide my dirty laundry. I do not like her doing it anymore. Lots of clothes were bleached, dyed with indigo blue, ripped, dyed pink due to other clothes bleeding, buttons came out, collars torn.

You see I blame her because right now I am so upset, I can't write anything short to be put on twitter or facebook status, instead I am writing how I am upset, she washed my clothes??? I am so fucked up now!!! to be upset over laundry that she did. Thanks Ma, I think you over did the education on laundry.......

I am still pissed off even after writing this and after doing the fuckin laundry by hand..

I need to see a therapist... clearly something is wrong

A rambling of a damn fool

I feel there is a target on me

Actually I have no idea for a title, but yeah, its kinda true.. oh who am I kidding, its 100% true. Its my rambling, and lately, I got tons of it. If my Blackberry is connected to the RIM service, you would probably hear more of my ramblings, updated almost anywhere.

Lately, rambling is all that I have been writing, except for the "You Again" movie contest, which I won. However even that contest, does not feel like a contest, since the event that happened really made me think about how left out sometimes I felt at school and how socially awkward I can be. Make no mistake, I can be really extrovert if I choose to, but sometimes I just wanna hide in corner somewhere.

Gosh, I just clean up my closet for the god knows how many times. Its still cluttered. I am guilty of this syndrome, we call hoarding. I just don't throw stuff away. I would say I am a mild hoarder, since I do throw stuff away. I just need it to be so cluttered that I had to threw some stuff away of I will be tripping over them.

I got rejected for my tutor application. It was very heartbreaking.. No actually it was very frustrating since the reason given was my I did not fulfill the required CGPA. Well they said the required CGPA is 3.0 above and I did get above that. Are they biased since I am from a private college? are they checking every semester of my degree days to see if I have 3.0 in each semester? Yes, I did drop below 3.0 in one semester but I also managed to get 3.5 in another semester too. Are they judging based on my diploma CGPA which is 2.12, it was not my proudest moment, but I learned from my mistakes. I can accept my rejected application if the reason given was logical.

I can't help it, this whole rejection thing, plus an aching back due to gym (which will get worse on the second day), lack of sleep, and my thesis quality, is really making me want to be that introvert person, and be drawn in deeply. Perhaps being drawn in deeply is what I actually need. I almost feel like running away, but I always finish what I started, well almost, but then I always finish all of my studies

Its kinda like a cruel joke, specifically for me, when people said I should just further my Phd, and worry work later. Seriously, sure its sounds fun getting money from your parents, but its not what I want to do now. The shame, embarrassment, helplessness, feeling tied up, feeling that I have more responsibility, the feel that I can't get mad, the feeling that I must agree with everything they do. Its tiring, so mentally tiring, I want to escape it all.

I did feel better for a while, then I dwell on the feeling and started feeling terrible all over again. Silly Budlee, always getting distracted by all the little things

If You Can't Say Something Nice, Say Nothing At All

Really?

If that title was something I truly followed, then, not much conversation could be done with my brother and dad. Wait..

I don't even talk them at all.

Ah so this word of wisdom does make sense after all.

I mean, I can't be really mean to my dad, after all, he is my dad and he does pay all of the bill so basically he got a chain around my neck. Regardless of everything I don't like about him, he is still dad. Oh yah, he gave me his genetics. Not much can I do really

Then we the idiot I called a brother. Actually, if I really think about it, I think he is pure genius. He practically gets away with everything. So many things he has done, and yet, nothing was done. I don't care if he doing things of his own, but when he involves me in it. Yeah, its hell.

Especially about cars. He uses them, and not take care of them. He just does not have the responsibility to do it. Why? because I do it for him, because my mother wanted me to do it instead of him. You see, he does not have to worry, he can do all kind of crap, and he knows somebody will support his lazy ass. Yes people told me, to take power, to control, but the car was paid fully by my dad. I feel like I am trap and enslave to it. Besides, if the car does go wrong, and my dad was driving it, we all had to take the blame.

My mom? well, she is getting old, and getting more laid back with the children. Which is why, brother can be such an ass and can get away with it. I can't talk to him, because I can' talk normally to him. I want smack his face, and yell on top of my lungs, but noo, cannot, its not right, its not the way to communicate. Seriously go fuck off all of you who thinks that way. You fucking don't know what the fucking I had to deal with, with the fucking moron. Oh yah, he gets the backing of my parents.

Lucky bastard, or better yet Lucky Smart Ass Bastard. One of the reasons my mother told me, that she hates to tell him to do anything, is that he will procrastinate and postpone till she is fed up. Then he does this face which makes her fed up. Then my mother will make a face to me, which makes me fed up, and at last, I do the work. Congrats him for being such a manipulator.

I could sense it when he was like 4. That little manipulating punk. Dear god, let me stay away from that little shit head. I don't care if he wants to lie away into my parents fortune, just do it, with out me there.

Hunger

Why do some people just don't get hungry at all. Yeah that kinda over exaggerating, but actually there are some people who seem never to be hungry. They feel full all the time. That's not so bad, there are people who are hungry all the time, eats all the time and still are just skins and bones. ARGGGHH. That is even more irritated. Besides these people are runway/catwalk models anyway, so that means they represent less than 1% of the world.

I am hungry constantly, however hunger seemed to be suppressed during Ramadhan, which resulted 1kg per week of weight loss. Fasting + Tarawikh Prayers at night = Good weight loss. However it only works, if you don't stuff your face during breaking fast, continue eating through out the night or had buffet all Ramadhan.

Hunger is even more projected after exercise, like 10 fold of the usual hunger. If I do eat, what happens, is you replaced all the calories that you just burn. The human body just loves to keep feeding itself.

I am not that obsessed with my weight. If I were, I would lost a lot of weight. According to the Body Mass Index (BMI), I am supposed to be weighing 50kg. WTF.. That is like skins and bones ONLY. Not only you can probably see my abs, but my ribs, pelvis and probably some internal organs as well.

I love salty food, I would choose salty and savory over sweetness, but sour food have a special place in my heart. To eat or not eat. To have will power or not have will power. Will I wake up at 2am for a snack, or worst, not be able to sleep until 2am and get up and make a full course meal at 2am.

NO.. a banana is not filling, neither a packet of Maggi nor a glass of milk. WTF are you people thinking of those thing being filling. Then you should all be eating that only each day, and never have to complain about your weight.

Ergh.. fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

One Drop

You know how a good day could be hampered by the smallest things. Irritating isn't? Especially when you have no choice on it. Time will change it, I will go so far away, till you missed what I have been doing for all of you.

But yes, I did have a good night before, a very good night. Events could repeat themselves again, whether good or bad. As my friends would say it, keep it cool and keep your options open. I wish, one day could be the first day of the rest of ourlives, but I am not one of those lucky bastards.

That is why, I wrote down this blog. An open thought, although things would be much better with a RIM subscription for my BB, but alas, I must remember to write and write. I think that goes for thesis too.

Silly shithead, lots of silly shithead roaming all over in each of our lives. I wish I could chop them off, but I am afraid they would grow two more heads and annoy me even more. Some have the divine power backing their actions, some have financial power to make them right and some have the society backing up there rights.

Whatever, somethings you cannot change, somethings you just need to let go, leave and move on..

Bastards..

The Descent 2

I went to watch this movie, with my sister last week, courtesy of Nuffnang. I never knew there was a The Descent 1, so I was surprise there was a second movie.

What if you had a secret. A deep dark secret, as deep and as dark as an uncharted cave? What kind of things would we find lurking in there? Would you risk your self to let that secret out?

What kind of tricks does the mind plays with us in the dark? Is it really just mind tricks?



What would you do to survive? How further would you go to ensure you would be alive the next day?




This was what our main character. Sarah. has to face when she went down the cave, went out barely alive, and had to be forced to go down the cave again. She made it out alive once, but will she make it out again?

This is a typical scare, boo, gore movie. Everything is really much expected to happen, so don't be looking for a "story" because it plays a small role. All you really want to see is the hack, slash, and gore, while the camera pans for a surprise. Its quite enjoyable indeed. However this movie is about your deep dark secret and what would you do if the opportunity arrives, where you can literally bury your deep dark secrets. I got plenty of deep dark secrets too, it involves many humans too. Would I actually, bury them alive in the cave if I had the chance? I wonder if this is just anger typing or myself?. I mean if it happened accidentally during my angry moments, it would feel good if not better...........................................So? don't invite me to any caving expeditions if I have been angry with you, chances are, the grudge might still be living inside of me...

*I am tired of dealing with people that I refuse to cut ties with because I owe them the past. Seriously, I might just cut you off despite the past that we have. I am very good at cutting people out of my life, don't think that I won't do the same with you

Post Grad Block

Something is bothering me? What is it? I wanted to finish so badly and deal with Dr S and Dr W for once and for all but something is holding me back and pushing me away from my goal. God (and practically everyone I know) knows I don't like my current situation now. However something is keeping me away. I want to kick that person out of me NOW, where is the correct stress, where is the insomnia that everybody seems to have. I get slower and sleepier with more responsibility now. Is there a rehab for procrastination? I would like to go there and pay them once I finish and get a job. It would be the best investment in the world. I have think deep and think hard. I had these problems before during my diploma years and my bachelor years, but I presevered. God knows, what the hell will be bothering me if I do my PhD? Come on dude.. finish up... and join society. This is going to be peanuts compared to working life.. will it?