Sunday, March 29, 2009

Plenty of rant, not much of a rave

Shopping is something that can be used to treat stress. Especially if you got a good discount on it. One does wonder, if the goods are really on sale, or if the price are truly mark out.

My feet are the only thing that will not change size during my gym session, which is that 70% off Polo T shirt and 50% off Padini shirt. I just have to alter the ones I have hanging in my closet. I got this shoes for RM 200, before discount. Larrie's shoes are well priced and I feel they are quite comfy. I just a need another pair of canvas shoes into my shoe collection. I am very proud of my shoe collection. Funny thing that happened while I was shoe shopping was that I got so flustered with all the shoe on sale, I had to sms a friend to ask how to differentiate a boot T_T I was that desperate. He was nice enough to call back and explain to me what a boot is (although he thought I was talking about booting the computer). A boot is basically any shoe is covers the ankle and above. I did found a pair, but they were over my budget. It cost almost RM 400 before discount. Oh well, boots will come to me sooner or later :D.

Letting it all out, just something I type to make me feel better.

Why do we get so mad at the people we love the most? Maybe this does not happened to you, but it happens to be a lot. I get the angriest at the person I love. So does that mean if I am incredibly angry at you, it means I am in head over heel with you? LOL. That would be crazy now, since that means I am in love with that jerk in that lorry for cutting me off at the highway.

For me, I am a very emotional person. To the people I love, I will love them as much as I hate them sometimes. This is why I get really mad with the ones I love. It’s a bad habit or action to do, because its not fair to them. This is quite abusive if I may say if not childish for someone to be acting this way. Throwing tantrums with out reason is very unreasonable. It’s something that I need to fix to become a better person.

It’s also important to voice out your problems, but sometimes that can be problematic since the option is somehow not viable. Its best to just face up to them and tell them your problem, but if you can find another person to confide to let it all out, is a good substitute. When you are mad, you can’t think well, and then you may end up saying things you never wanted to say and ended up living in regrets. This happens a lot in divorces or really bad breakups. Sometimes I wish that I never said the things I did, but somehow for my own future, it’s the thing for me to say.

Its great to have friends that you can confide to, especially those who have the patience to hear you ramble on and on about the same thing over and over again. It’s these friend that will have that extra patience to just listen to your problem that is basically the same thing. For me, I just need someone to hear me long enough till I discover my own flaws. Discovering your own flaws is the best discover one can make upon oneself.

I admit, I have quite low social skills and street skills. Probably because I never really went out to meet people or to socialize with those who are radically different than I am. I was pretty much a homebody, who prefers to stay at home instead of going out to socialize. Only during my master I hung out with plenty of different people of different ages. It was nice, that I could still mingle and just blend in, without sticking out like a sore thumb. However my family got worried and thought I would mix with the wrong crowd. Point to be taken, if you want to try or do something different, make sure you don’t stay with your parents. They will question every single details about you life. I make sure that they know very little of what I do, even when I tell them everything, they still think other wise.

I would say gym is good. I am not losing weight as fast as some people are or should, but being able to wear a shirt from Padini, now that is an accomplishment for someone chub. Most of my clothes are quite loose. I have to invest in altering all of them so that it would fit my body better. I am just choosing like 1 or 2 pieces of it to be altered. I think fitting into clothes that you never had been able to, is an accomplishment to any weight loss program. Getting to fit better clothes was never the major concern when I joined the gym. My main concern was to release my negative energy and frustration out. Which is good, in a way, but it does not help to solve the core problem. No one can change your dislikes and likes in a person. You have this certain perception of beauty and attractiveness that is hard to change. It’s kinda sad I don’t fit in the general public view of beauty, but in reality, who does right. I am just going to keep doing it just because I like it and I do it for me. However fitting into those fit clothes in Padini sure boost my morale up J.

Hmm I am pretty down with my studies, which is not good. I mean, its hard to find a mood to do it, especially the writing part. Argh.. I don’t want my diploma days catching up on me. I really don’t. God help me. Studying is the only thing that is solid right now, the only thing. Everything else is so loose and fluid, it keeps changing faster than I can keep up. Scary, very scary indeed

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