One Drop

You know how a good day could be hampered by the smallest things. Irritating isn't? Especially when you have no choice on it. Time will change it, I will go so far away, till you missed what I have been doing for all of you.

But yes, I did have a good night before, a very good night. Events could repeat themselves again, whether good or bad. As my friends would say it, keep it cool and keep your options open. I wish, one day could be the first day of the rest of ourlives, but I am not one of those lucky bastards.

That is why, I wrote down this blog. An open thought, although things would be much better with a RIM subscription for my BB, but alas, I must remember to write and write. I think that goes for thesis too.

Silly shithead, lots of silly shithead roaming all over in each of our lives. I wish I could chop them off, but I am afraid they would grow two more heads and annoy me even more. Some have the divine power backing their actions, some have financial power to make them right and some have the society backing up there rights.

Whatever, somethings you cannot change, somethings you just need to let go, leave and move on..

Bastards..

Got It

I finally got it. I told a friend, if you leave me alone long enough, I will figure it out myself, with out needing your help anymore. I don't need your answers to my questions, I don't need your explanation for your actions nor do I need you at all. It took a lot of thinking, a lot of almost breaking down, and then one look in the mirror, says it all. I look like crap. All that energy from figuring out who, when, what, how and most important of them all, why. I kinda scared myself looking at the mirror. Too bad some people got a bit of hot water burn during that period, but its for their own good anyway. A new out look perhaps? Maybe, hopefully, probably. The most important thing of all is, I get it.

The Descent 2

I went to watch this movie, with my sister last week, courtesy of Nuffnang. I never knew there was a The Descent 1, so I was surprise there was a second movie.

What if you had a secret. A deep dark secret, as deep and as dark as an uncharted cave? What kind of things would we find lurking in there? Would you risk your self to let that secret out?

What kind of tricks does the mind plays with us in the dark? Is it really just mind tricks?



What would you do to survive? How further would you go to ensure you would be alive the next day?




This was what our main character. Sarah. has to face when she went down the cave, went out barely alive, and had to be forced to go down the cave again. She made it out alive once, but will she make it out again?

This is a typical scare, boo, gore movie. Everything is really much expected to happen, so don't be looking for a "story" because it plays a small role. All you really want to see is the hack, slash, and gore, while the camera pans for a surprise. Its quite enjoyable indeed. However this movie is about your deep dark secret and what would you do if the opportunity arrives, where you can literally bury your deep dark secrets. I got plenty of deep dark secrets too, it involves many humans too. Would I actually, bury them alive in the cave if I had the chance? I wonder if this is just anger typing or myself?. I mean if it happened accidentally during my angry moments, it would feel good if not better...........................................So? don't invite me to any caving expeditions if I have been angry with you, chances are, the grudge might still be living inside of me...

*I am tired of dealing with people that I refuse to cut ties with because I owe them the past. Seriously, I might just cut you off despite the past that we have. I am very good at cutting people out of my life, don't think that I won't do the same with you

A Nightmare On Elm Street

One, Two, Freddy's coming for you...

Yes, he is back in this remake of the popular franchise that scared viewers in the 80s. Yes this is a remake, with a twist here and there. Since its a remake, there is nothing that much new since we know all the modus operandi of Freddy. However, I only seen bits and pieces of the movie when I was young. Howeverm one thing that seemed to remain permanent, is Freddy's red shirt. I still remember when I was young, when I was afraid of the dark, I would "see" Freddy's red and black stripped sweater, and I would run like crazy to the lighted part of the house. Yep, its something from everyone's childhood, that we remember, about that crazy psychopath guys that kills teenagers. Some people might like to watch Freddy again in a different skin, however some might compared it to the original film and hate it. What do you expect. Its a REMAKE.. of course they need to maintain most of the original character and story line. Its story that will make us remember watching the old Freddy Kruger movies. Well, those who lived to watch the movies that were made in the 80s of course. However, this movie will introduce the new generations, the movie that some of us grew up watching and scaring our selves silly...

Mad

Is there such thing as getting madder than usual? Is there a threshold of madness before you suddenly snap. I think I remember the last time I got so mad and angry, I became calm, since there is nothing more to do really. That is during my private college days, where I needed to register. It was a very bad system from the administrators, but then, most of the time, it is chaos during registration. It was terrible.

Right now, there are no college reasons to get mad. Just people, how to deal with people, how people treat you, how I treat people, that just pisses me off. To many people to be piss at, to many people to be pissed off. There so much pissing to do, that its just getting ridiculous.

I have to find a better thing to do..

Saturday Night Drift @ MAPES

There is place that is near my faculty that held a drift race on Saturday nights on its parking lot. I never there was such thing until now. It cost RM 5 per person to watch the drift race on parking lot. This was my first time watching a drift race. If you are car lover and love races, prepare to watch Nissan Silvia, 1980 Nissan Cerfiro, Nissan Skyline, Toyota AE86, Toyota KE70/E70 and other cars drift and slides their way skillfully.

Other than drifting, audiophile likes to show off their custom ICE system with the music blasted loud.

Tonight was a bit special, since there were professional drift racers involve with the amateur drifter. It was a sight to behold, if you love cars. This event is located at the "Pintu 2" (Second Gate) of MARDI. Other than drift events, there are a carboot sale in the parking lot and a go-cart track where you can race with your friends for RM 25 for 10 minutes.

Secret Cake

This is my secret cake. This cake has so many secrets, that I like to call it a secret cake. My mother absolutely loves this cake. She would finish the whole tin, if I don't stop her. This cake is very moist, but its not heavy. It does not have that yolk smell that some people complain, when they have cake. Its quite cheap and simple to make. Its a secret, why its so secretive, should I reveal it? This is one of my many desserts that people were lucky enough to have. Its either, you invite me to a food related event, or somehow you got sick and have to stay at home or at the hospital. I will bring you something home made, fresh from the oven, ALWAYS, I feel naked if I don't bring anything. So may I have the invites :D

ICT, City Of Lights

There is this new business district of the Federal Highway, in Shah Alam, that is called I-City that celebrates its new development with many LED lights display all over. From lights, to peacocks, to frogs, nothing is left without LED. Its kinda fun and in a corny kind of way. They even set up rows of stalls that sells food and this LED Devil or LED Mickey Mouse Ears to the public. Its seemed like a big hit, its been selling like hotcakes. Nevertheless, it would be a shame not to visit it and takes some pictures. Its kinda pretty, reminds me of Christmas decorations in the US.

Mercedes SLS AMG Gullwing

I was invited to a launch of a car I will never drive. The Mercedes AMG SLS Gullwing. This is the successor to the Mercedes Benz SLR Mclaren. Its the first Mercedes that was design in house by AMG. This car has a monstrous 6.2 litre, V8 (8 cylinder) engine that produces 571 PS and 650 Nm. Best of all, it has an automatic transmission. Not those slush box that normal cars have, but its a dual clutch semi automatic transmission. Its basically a manual with the clutch engaged automatically. Right now, almost every manufacturer has their own dual clutch transmission, but I do believe AMG produced the first 7 speed, dual clutch that can handle 650 Nm of torque, other 7 speed dual clutch, such as Volkswagen dual clutch, can only handle less than 250 Nm of torque, instead rely on their 6 speed dual clutch transmission. It has a aluminium chassis to reduce weight and the transmission is located on the rear wheel axle instead of behind the engine to offer a better weight distribution. (51 front, 49 rear.. I think)See, I was there after all. Forget all that mechanical jargon's, this is a car with the doors open like a Gullwing, an engine that has a deep growl, and looks that could cut through steel. That is all that matter to any lucky royalty or businessman that can afford its RM 1,999,999 tag, but if you have to ask for the price, you probably could not afford it....

Where You'd Go

So many things to write but at the same time so little has been done. There is this ritual and cycle of destruction that I have, that is not normal. Its beyond mortal comprehension of the things that I do. It scaring me now. It’s a terrible cycle, terrible indeed. So terrible, I could be on Oprah. This cycle or habits is destroying me and is going to affect those around me. Do I need to go rehab? A place where my every movement is under control? Where my actions are constantly monitored and my choices are judged? Maybe I do? Sigh, where did I lose myself? When did I become so sensitive with how people think of me? When did I stopped and think, instead of just doing it. Its not even thinking, more like stalling, stuttering. Its sad, and people do see it around me. Drastic changes need to be done.. really drastic actions. I hate it… but I have too.. sigh…where did that person inside of me go.. I really miss him…..

Post Grad Block

Something is bothering me? What is it? I wanted to finish so badly and deal with Dr S and Dr W for once and for all but something is holding me back and pushing me away from my goal. God (and practically everyone I know) knows I don't like my current situation now. However something is keeping me away. I want to kick that person out of me NOW, where is the correct stress, where is the insomnia that everybody seems to have. I get slower and sleepier with more responsibility now. Is there a rehab for procrastination? I would like to go there and pay them once I finish and get a job. It would be the best investment in the world. I have think deep and think hard. I had these problems before during my diploma years and my bachelor years, but I presevered. God knows, what the hell will be bothering me if I do my PhD? Come on dude.. finish up... and join society. This is going to be peanuts compared to working life.. will it?

Mico, Rest in Peace

This Mico, he is my Wan's (grandmother) cat. He just passed away yesterday in his sleep. This was her faithful companion in the morning when everyone is not awake. He would sit there and listen to whatever was on my Wan's mind. He would listen and understand what she would say before he would run off and do his business of guarding the house. Mico was a favourite among all the grandchildren that Wan has. He goes in and out of the house walking pass everyone. Mico can be patient to some people or snap and scratch at them when he feels like it. He eats durians, chocolate and bread. Anything my Wan's eat, he would too. Mico would listen on command to whatever my Wan would say and obey her. We are all sad to see our beloved cat go. My second youngest aunt cried when, Mico would not stir up from his slumber. He was buried by my uncle in my Wan's backyard. I do hope Wan's finds another cat, not to replace Mico, but to keep her company and keep us all entertained. We love you Mico, and we hope you had a great life with Wan and us.

*I like this picture so much, I want to retain it as my blog header again.

What a Wonderful Day

Woke up earlier than expected,
End up rolling in bed for a few hours..

Went to Puchong to meet a prospective buyer for our car,
However the car bonnet failed to open and the aircond suddenly went warm..

Went to a friend's house and went out to lunch
Had a over priced lunch (ice lime tea, rice, soy sauce beef, ulam, and sambal belacan = RM 12.50)

Hang out till dinner and went to IT City to see the lights..
There were so many people looking at Christmas and Chinese New Year like lighting's..

Went back home late,
Had to change the punctured Myvi tyre before the Naza gets back

Wants to sleep
but there is sambal hijau with beef in the kitchen, my dad and brother playing the guitar and singing in the living room next to my room and my mother and sister are looking at the fabric my else sister bought from Vietnam.. all the activity was done after 12am...


What a great way to start the week......

Alarm 2

Tried doing the same experiment, sleeping with no alarm clock. I think it kinda make me more aware to wake up. I think I woke up twice in the night. Probably a shift in the dreams perhaps, I know I was awake because I knew I shifted position in my sleep. So far on my second day of the "no alarm" it seems I normally sleep 7 hours before I naturally wake up. However this does include the factor that drifted out of sleep during the night, so perhaps this is factor that needs to be put into consideration. Another thing I did is, to sleep when my body asked me too. Instead of using television, Internet, video games or even work to keep me up. With this set up, it kinda works with having reduced or no social life at all, because I do return late after the lab, and I do spend time with the family. I feel married in a sense already. At least time worth spending with the family is worth more than the time spent with people not related to you by responsibility, law or marriage.

Anger Management

Anger is a normal part of everyone life. We have it, we process it and we discard it. We have to over come anger before it consumes us whole. The best way to deal with it, is by to deal it up front, confront the source of anger and deal with it. This way you can get closure and then discover the real source of the anger Another way to deal with anger is to talk about it to your friends. A good ear (or eyes if you chat) is always to just vent out all that anger. Most of the times you don't want a suggestion, instead you just want someone to agree with you. Afterwards you feel fine and get over the anger.

These two are the best kinds of anger management in my point of view. Too bad these two options are crossed out for me now. I am so angry, really angry at them. There is no point in confronting them, because they think that they have done nothing wrong and that rages me even more. I can't really discuss it with other people because they have no idea who, why, what, where and the ideals that is involve in theses issues that make me angry.

The first two options are two way communication options, where you can get feedback directly from people. However, since these two options are not available right now, we have to find another way to deal with the anger. One of my favourite things is music. There is always a music that tells your life story and how you felt that way. So what I do is crank the music up and call the rain to come. Yes, go karaoke, sing as loud as I can in the car, or just softly in the lab, or normally in the room. Another way that I do, is what you see me doing now. I write it down. The two passive solo activities does calm me down, and the good part is, I can do it anytime I want. When I had that Blackberry Internet Service, it was so much easier, because I could just whip the Blackberry out and just type my angers away.

To tell you the truth, the first two options is way much better, because you get feed back. Those options however, are not available. It sucks really bad, but I don't have a saying (pun intended) on this matter with them. They probably think is fine and A-Okay, but its not, and they will never know. Would I tell them though? It backfire on me and cause even more damage. Who knows, really.. all I know is, if I do talk about it, the reply would be "normal lah". How irritating it is to hear that..

No Alarm

I read in an article that we all need a good night sleep. However, the amount of sleep for each individual varies. So what they say, try to sleep without an alarm clock and see when does your body naturally wakes up. So I gave it a try since my air conditioner is set to turn it self off in the morning and I usually wake up when I feel warm.

The result, well, it was not really that of a success. I mean, I did wake up on my own, but that is only because I had a bad dream. I have this habit of going back to sleep to change the ending of the dream to fit my perspective.

What was the dream about? I took an English exam, and as usual I manage to finish it in 1/4 of the time. However toward the end of the exam and the dream I suppose, I open up the last page and I saw...an essay question. I literally freaked out and refuse to wake up because I wanted to finish the paper. I'll be damn if I get a B in English, even though its a dream. I manage to like complete about 1/2 page of the essay before I felt like, this is a complete waste of time and that this is not real.

When I did come to my senses, I remembered I did not set off my alarm and I really need to wake up now and go to the lab.

Too bad this can only happen in your slumber. I really wish I can wake up now..

Ignorance

Sometimes its just better to be ignorant and have a one track mind. Its better to pretend nothing happens and that everything is black or white without any grey areas. Objectives are achieved faster and time is not wasted. Time is not wasted thinking the what if's or maybe's. Thoughts are focus to yourself without having to wonder what the other is thinking. Moving on would be much easier and less frustrated. Life goes on smoothly

Q & A

Good mood?

Nope

Views on life?

Seemed pretty dull

Study?

I hope it burns, but when my laptop had a near death experience, I had a near death experience too. So it cannot burn

Family?

Got their good, ugly and bad. However during this times, I find that I could handle them with a smile. Even revenge can be served warmed with a smile.

Friends?

You know, they are there....

Cars?

Selling off the 190e. Apparently a Neo is the better car for me, the styling and handling was said to off set the patchy reliability, poor driving ergonomics, lack of key or handle to open the rear bonnet and the awkward placements of the switches.. vs the Viva.


Face?

3 pimples decide to pop out at the same time.


Relationship?

What relationship? I am determined to be single forever, die alone and donate all my belongings to charity.


Conclusion?

I want to return this "year" and get a new "year". Too bad the counters open on 31st December.

2006-20??

Go figure..

I am going back into time. No, not like Marty Mc Fly kind of way in the Back to The Future Movies, but life in general. I used to be this homebody, a guy who stays at home almost all the time. The only time he goes out, is to buy groceries for him mum at the hypermarket or out with family. Most of the time he would just sit in front of the telly or in front of the laptop. Life? What life? No interactions with the outside world, no travels, no jalan2 around KL and Klang Valley. Just me and the family. Of course my family loves it, I am always there for them doing almost anything they want. I liked it too, since its pretty much what I do normally.

Then I start doing my Master’s, I started Blogging, and I started to become active in Social Networking Sites, I started to go out more often. Going out with friends, karaoking, watching movies, going to dinner parties, and so on. It was nice, it was fun. I get to see many sides of KL I never knew existed. I see people I never knew was there, I was doing somethings I never expected I would do. I had a life and I liked it. I liked it a lot. I had money to spend, I actually buy clothes without asking my family. I was looking good. I went to the gym.

Its not the same anymore, I am slowly but steadily going back to the place I started before. Back at home, almost all the time now. Maybe I am over reacting a bit? Well, even people are amazed that I stayed at home most of the time now “Hah, you are at home, on a weekend, something wrong?” I was kinda lazy, and I am pretty sure they don’t want to listen to the whole version. So the short version would be “Lazy lah, takde duit” Lazy? Me? of going out? Takde Duit? Well, if it was 2006 yeah, it was true but 2007, 2008. 2009 was not. It was life, I actually lived during that time. I did not know was dead before 2007, but I really felt alive in those 3 years after 2007.

Its 2010, and I feel like I am dying, or perhaps I am just reverting to my old self again. Maybe its for something good, a way I can really view how I handled my life before this. There has to be changes, major changes on how I deal with life. Maybe 2011 would better? Well, I got 7 more months to go. I guess we have to see it.