Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Hari Raya

I don't remember how many time I celebrated first Raya in Kajang/KL/Selangor. I think this is my second one. I hated it, there is just no feeling of first day of Hari Raya when celebrating at your own home instead of your own grandmothers house at Kampung. As you can see, while people are slaving away preparing for Raya, I had so much free time on my hand to update my blog and my various profiles online.

I feel miserable really celebrating first Raya, because all I could remember is that we would always go back to my mother's kampung. I just like the environment, the way we would all cram into one house, how 30 people could share the bathroom, my grandmother's cooking, even the smell of cow dung while we walked to the Mosque for the prayers.

Maybe its one of the worst or best puasa I had. Its like a mixture of everything thrown in at once. The worst, is I got really sick during fasting, not once, but twice right after another one. Then I had really strong feelings again to a person I once loved before but only to find out this person has moved on to a new partner and seemed very happy with it. I also got scolded by my professor for not being able to do SDS PAGE and Western blot, and he was planning to pay someone to do it, instead of me learning how to do it, because he says its a waste of time for me. Would you imagine all of this happened on the same day at the same hour, one after the another.

That just broke me down into pieces.

The good news is, since is was the Holy month of Ramadan, I had ample opportunity to look to god for peace and to pray that I would be ok again. I did, I went to terawikh with my mother almost every night, during lunch I would go to the mosque to pray Zuhur, heck I was feeling better when I could focus on something else. My co supervisor helped me on the two projects that my prof wanted me to do and that turned out very well. I learned to let go of the past and let these to people be happy with the relationship they just made. I even met a few people as candidates to replace an empty void inside of me, which was exciting and good. Heck I managed to loose weight instead of gaining weight during puasa and I could get better fitting clothes instead of the tent's I used to wear.

However we can't have it all though. The people I met, either wanted just to have fun and do not want anything serious or I am just not their type (too old, too young, to short, too bulky, not bulky enough). It kinds suck in that department that involves age and experiences because its not something I could change. I even had a bad date where we parted ways because that person had to do laundry, WTF! that is such a lame excuse to say, "I don't think we are suited for each other". Oh well these has to go in the books of the most lames excuse to get yourself out of a date. Most importantly, I hate celebrating first raya in the city, it does not feel the same. Groan.... seriously I have way to many free time on my hand to be lonely, when you have things to do, you enjoy the alone time you have, hence being alone can be productive or fun. (I love my alone time playing Final Fantasy 12 and customizing each character to my liking).

A new month has come, time to go and enjoy all the raya food and then head back to the gym. Gym is one thing that makes being alone enjoyable :)
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