Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Hear and Here

I checked my punch card, this was the second day of the second week, that I have it. It was also the starting of my own personal hell. I use to like to come to the lab, do work, or just hang out. Now, its like a torture prison for my head. Right now the phone is a time bomb, just waiting to explode or worst, ring, and he would be calling asking me where I am. Not physically, not mentally but on my thesis. Its my fault for letting my thesis on hold definetly, but right now I just can't stand him, even more than usual. This has gotten so bad, the first thing I think when waking up, is that HE might be there. Even when I do my thesis, I can hear his voice echoing inside my head, complaining that I am too slow (I am), or that it does not fit to be a Master thesis. Even now, I can feel his presence somewhere in campus, breathing and just waiting to catch me just when I let my guard down. How ironic that a few of my friends had problems with their advisers, one was not compatible with his, a second friend was let go by his advisor, and 2 other friends said after doing their masters with their advisor, they won't pursue PhD anymore do to the trauma they had to endure. Every day I pray he won't call, or come by to the lab. I feel I have a ball and chain that ties me down where ever I go. IgG2a, humoral immunity, Th2, congenital immunity, cyst burden, recombinant surface protein, chinese hamster ovary, chi square distribution... many things are jumbled up inside, even though I feel like I have the answer in my mind, HE seemed able to appear inside my head and slashed everything wrong, and I have to say it according to the scientific grammar. Seriously.....medical journals are like an inside joke, only a few people inside a community understand it and the rest of the world can't make sense of it. If you do break it down, to normal people, its just not funny or interesting anymore
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