Just a rant

The day I gotten the forms to make my own employee pass was the day my weight balooned up. Its not a total surprise since I have been binging a lot the past few days and that so called experiment of eating a subway directly for a week. I know my body if I choose to eat bread instead of rice, I will gain weight, if I eat more rice I will still gain weight. However if I maintain a normal portion of rice, my weight just hovers at its current level. So the summary for this is to eat less... Fuck.. where is the will power when you need one.

Speaking of pictures, I was told it would be better to wear a shirt and a tie, since the pass will be something I use for a long time. I had the nerve to ask my mom to iron my shirt because I was so damn lazy. I am not really hitting any nerve because she does it anyway when I do wear a shirt, but I wear it very rarely nor do I ask her often. Just these rare occasions.

I should stop focusing on my face since its perfect. The rest of my body needs more pampering. At least my lips are getting taken cared of since I use lip balm more regularly now. If I have to be fat on stage at least I have good hair, nice skin, groomed sideburns and moist lips.
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Failure

I had a dream that could be in the nightmare category. I dreamed that my masters thesis was rejected time after time because there were to many errors. I felt so stressed and worried that I won't graduate. Then I was worried that I was 4th in line for something, a job perhaps and felt that I was not good enough or that other candidate surpasses me. It was a terrible feeling that woke me up in complete chills.

Then I realized that my thesis has been accepted and that I do have a job. Suddenly reality is something better than in my dreams. Strange dreams as usual.
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Of vanity?

Am I putting on makeup? Am I trying out for a chinese opera? Neither, its just Temulawak, a type of petroleum jelly or vaseline based cream that is mixed with titanium dioxide along with other emollients such as goat milk and beeswax. This is how some of my friends wear it, religiously before going to bed at night. They claim its for whitening and keeping the skin acne free. Well judging from the ingredients its just a basic moisturizer. So I guess you will get some benefit from it although not state of the art stuff like retinol, salicylic acid, hyaluric acid or other good stuff.

Anyhow, I was bored and this stuff was sitting on my desk so might well have fun looking pasty. Literrally Rm 50 slip of my hand, I shoved it down my pocket and it must have came out when I tried to get my phone out. It really ruined my weekend and it reminded me of the time I lost my parking ticket and had to pay a fine. Definitely a mood breaker. Not much that I can do but really watch my budget. In theory I should be ok, but I like to have a surplus of money so that I would feel secure.

Anyhow my science show is coming in a few days and I kinda nervous. I have to make sure that I at least look good while sounding good. I must look presentable on stage. If only appetite control was easy as slapping on a cream, but there is those diet pills that I blogged before but then will it really work? I have cream for my feet and I still fail to use it. It makes them slippery in the morning which increase the likelihood of falling facedown on my face in the morning. Another part of me that I failed to take care are my lips. Lots of marks just scattered everywhere on my lips because I like to bite my lips habitually.

I pay too much attention to my face that I ignored everything else. However right now my face is doing quite well unlike a year ago when sudden breakout due to excessive facials and trial laser treatments. Ughh. Too many things to take care, it just gets really frustrating and tiring. I haven't even started on my hair and clothes. Urghh... I must make proper grooming second nature or at least wake up earlier to be more presentable and prepare a healthy lunch.

Science Show

I did my first Science Show today. Well perhaps I should say I was thrown into one, like how a mama bird teaches her young to fly, I was shoved to perform. It was unnerving and awkward since I was not really prepared but then performing mini shows felt the same way too. I got my ups and down but I was okay in the end. I was more pissed off that they made me tie the balloons for the experiments. My hands are not made to tie those damn balloons and I my hand got really cramped and I was furious because they still make me do it and they even recorded how I feverishly tried unsuccessfully tying the balloons.

The good thing is that they provided feedback on my presentation style. Mine is more laid back, more conversational, not really hyper, not really joking around. However, I still haven't found my flow for my science shows yet, like I have for my mini shows. Mini shows are different, the "spies" don't really pay attention at the mini shows or perhaps the level needed there is on par. Perhaps I under estimate the science shows, since I much prefer the cosy one on one presentation that I usually do for my mini shows.

I always hated to address a huge group of people, because I don't feel like I can connect with them individually. However I still have workshops to learn and conduct. It seemed like a smaller group but then its a whole different thing to do.

Anyhow, perhaps because of today's rage against the balloons in addition with office gossip along with staff quirks that gets borderline unbearable, makes me want to kill someone or at least bitch slap them. Well its only been 4 days and already I felt incompetent. Well one can always fake the confidence and I don't give a shit that they could see right through it, after all we are dealing with people who deal with visitors daily. Tomorrow is another day, I forgot to just ignore everything and just go along with all the madness.

Older?

What does contact lenses, Retin-A, sunscreen, shaver and a monthly trip to the hair salon have in common?

Its my regime to keep looking young as long as I could. Glasses, leathery rough skin, unkempt facial hair and scruffy hair are signs of myself getting old. Hey, there is plenty of other guys out their with coke frames, rough skin, stubble and unkempt hair that looks like a K-Pop star, actor or just hipsters, but I don't think its something suitable on me, or at least suitable with whatever I have in the closet.

I think I would prefer to say 28 until I am 40 at least. That is like, 12 more years. However some people do look young without resorting to anything, but do I really want to take that risk. No thanks, I will keep doing what I do now.

Btw, I dye away my greys every 3 months, which is actually due already now, and I haven't gotten around to do it yet. Better lay on the peroxide now..

I've forgotten

I forgotten how long I had this blog,
I have forgotten how much of my self I have poured inside,
I have forgotten how I loved the attention I get from this blog,
I have forgotten how much I didn't care,
I forgotten how many people read my blog,
I have forgotten how many of them were close,
But most of all
I have forgotten to update it..

Is it maturity, is it busy schedules or is it just a fad that is slowly fading away. In any case, its a lot like what Facebook Timeline is. Its one of the few ways we could trace back our lives over the past few years. Its such a shame to stop now