Sunday, March 18, 2012

OF a Post

Lately there has been some nosy people asking my family on the well being of myself in the family. Basically my relatives are asking my mother if everything is alright in my house based on the RAGE status updates I make or the blogs I write. In fact my mother has even confronted me on that matter.

So, I really hope you guys are reading this post, because this is for you.

First my mother said somethings are just not made to share into the public and that family secrets are meant to be secret. My older sister agrees on it, even though she has no fucking idea what I write. Second, I am surprised it took this long for people to actually tell, or that my mom actually had the time to ask me on this matter. I am pretty sure there is plenty of RAGE status updates through out the year. You people must have been keeping it for so long or my mother has been keeping it for so long, either way it took a long time for it to surface. Thirdly, do I regret what I write? NOPE, I don't, that was the moment and that was the feeling I had during that time. Could I just go and talk to them about it? I tried, but they just keep telling me I am wrong and that I exaggerated. So where do I go? What do I do? Is there someone worthwhile listening during that time? Someone who will just listen without judgment. I am pretty sure people read it when it does come on their wall, but most of the time will just shrug it off.

I try to be a good listener and try as I can not to judge people, since most experience for people is different.  I do fall of the tracks sometimes but I do make a mental note of it. So why judge me? We are still living in the same house, you still see me at reunions or during Hari Raya, heck you still see me running like a headless chicken every time we have our annual BBQ. I am pretty sure there are more shit going on to your family and lives that you feel its not appropriate to share. However I actually feel comfortable in spilling it out to you, online of course. Another thing I am pretty sure you seen me snarl or grumble a lot when stuff are happening or perhaps I have been doing a damn good job of hiding it.

Am I still angry? Yes, I do, I am angry when the same thing arises and I am angry when you remind of it again. Perhaps I need help, perhaps this is a way for me to clear my head. Why do you need to ask? I am still very very very angry. It makes working or the stress of working something so small compared to dealing with family. I try to actually incorporate what I learned at work at home, but sometimes it just reminds me of the crappy advice I got in the past from my family. It just replays over and over again in my head. Afterwards I think, I don't want to do this to my family, I don't think I want one, if another cycle will appear.

I can just hear my mother saying I am exaggerating myself. Ooh I can hear my sister too in my head or I can't to tease her about this, when she gets really frustrated with them. Well keep on sharing, because you still don't know the whole part of the story.

I feel pinched for many directions
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