Sunday, May 14, 2017

Mixed Feeling and sheer randomness

As I lay in bed, I have so many conflicting feelings with my life right now.

I have so much work and yet I feel no desire to do it. I feel like kicking everyone but at the same I feel like I just want to with draw into a shell somewhere.

It feels sad a bit, that I have a lot of time, since there is no longer an 1 hour commute but at the same time, I just don't have the desire to do anything.

It may feel like depression since everything feels dead but at the same time, I feel sane enough to not take my own life. That is what I learn, what depression is ultimately is.

However does it mean you do or you don't have it?

One simply cannot just take an online quiz and declare one is mentally ill. That is like one way ticket to hypochondriac hell.

I do however feel, whenever I feel ultra sad, my social media goes hay wired a bit. It's either over sharing or under sharing.

I do feel like I am wasting everything here. So much time, just wasted in front of the television and not taking the time to make content

Like, how many of these post complaining about myself that I can make...

Mid 30s and 6 year down the job and I feel high resentment right now. Can't let this take me over. One must find things outside that makes you happy

Grr. I hate being outside and away from everything. How my stomach cringe when a random stranger would comment that its nice to travel a lot.

Oh darling, travelling for work and travelling for pleasure is so different....

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