As I lay in bed, I have so many conflicting feelings with my life right now.
I have so much work and yet I feel no desire to do it. I feel like kicking everyone but at the same I feel like I just want to with draw into a shell somewhere.
It feels sad a bit, that I have a lot of time, since there is no longer an 1 hour commute but at the same time, I just don't have the desire to do anything.
It may feel like depression since everything feels dead but at the same time, I feel sane enough to not take my own life. That is what I learn, what depression is ultimately is.
However does it mean you do or you don't have it?
One simply cannot just take an online quiz and declare one is mentally ill. That is like one way ticket to hypochondriac hell.
I do however feel, whenever I feel ultra sad, my social media goes hay wired a bit. It's either over sharing or under sharing.
I do feel like I am wasting everything here. So much time, just wasted in front of the television and not taking the time to make content
Like, how many of these post complaining about myself that I can make...
Mid 30s and 6 year down the job and I feel high resentment right now. Can't let this take me over. One must find things outside that makes you happy
Grr. I hate being outside and away from everything. How my stomach cringe when a random stranger would comment that its nice to travel a lot.
Oh darling, travelling for work and travelling for pleasure is so different....
Sunday, May 14, 2017
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Self Hate
Pretty much hate myself now
My dad died on Feb 14
I am now permanently placed in a travelling exhibition and I have to travel all over Malaysia by force for months at a time.
To add salt to wound, their are plenty of people thinking that is such a good idea... Like you can have my job and let me have a boring job staying in KL
When I am about to move into my house, I am now permanently outside
I spend my days watching random shit on TV. Even though, I don't watch that show, I just like the numbness and also the a way to just forget everything
Meh..
My dad died on Feb 14
I am now permanently placed in a travelling exhibition and I have to travel all over Malaysia by force for months at a time.
To add salt to wound, their are plenty of people thinking that is such a good idea... Like you can have my job and let me have a boring job staying in KL
When I am about to move into my house, I am now permanently outside
I spend my days watching random shit on TV. Even though, I don't watch that show, I just like the numbness and also the a way to just forget everything
Meh..
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